So the other night I rear-ended a car. No, I'm sorry, that's not entirely accurate. I rear-ended TWO cars. In the space of five minutes. I am not a happy camper.
Ok, this is going to be the first and last time that I ever confess this, so listen up: I am not a particularly good driver. Ok? It's not that I don't know how to drive, or that I don't have plenty of experience. I just tend to get a bit...well, absent-minded I guess is the only word for it. It's especially bad if I am driving somewhere scenic. For example, as I was driving along a back highway out to 580 last week on my way back to Los Angeles, there was this amazing view in the distance of windmills spinning on the far green hills, under gray skies. It was MUCH more interesting to look over there ("there" being "off to my right") rather than anywhere more conventional, like, say, in front of me.
In New Zealand I was even worse. If anyone ever drove with me, I think they would have been petrified, but thankfully I did most of my long-distance driving alone. I'd zip along the winding country roads, leaning forward with my arms hugging the steering wheel so I could gaze upwards at gorgeous sunsets, or perhaps a flock of birds flying, or rising, rugged mountains. Again, the road directly in front of me had a terrible time keeping my attention.
I have had more near-misses than anyone has a right to deserve, I think. And Friday night I had to pay up, I guess.
I didn't have the excuse of gorgeous scenery that time, because I was driving to Hollywood and there is nothing to see along the way but a forest of taillights in the concrete jungle. Traffic was terrible. I was going about 2 miles an hour when I thought I felt an ant crawling on me. This sounds weird, but in fact I had found an ant on me while driving a few days before (which actually is weird in itself, hmmm). So I pulled down my mirror and was trying to check things out when suddenly I realized I had tapped the bumper of the car in front of me.
Thankfully there was no damage to either car and we both decided to just go on our way. I thanked God, shook my head at my idiocy, and got back in the car. Five minutes later (please don't ask me how I could possibly do this, because I honestly don't know), I jammed myself up against the very unforgiving tail of a huge truck. It didn't feel a thing, but oh, my poor little Honda did.
I should say, my SISTER'S poor Honda, because it's not even mine. The layers of irony in this tale are almost too numerous to, well, enumerate, but suffice to say my sister the globetrotter, who is currently in Portugal, lent the car to a friend in the Bay Area who rear-ended someone, and got it fixed in a most haphazard fashion. I have been trying to sort out getting the thing fixed properly with compensation from the friend when what do I do but go and ram another car, causing even more damage and pretty much nullifying my chances of getting the friend to pitch in anything further, because now the damage is MY fault!! Gah!!!!
Funny old thing, life. It would be a lot funnier if my insurance wouldn't DOUBLE if I go through them fix it. But it would, or very nearly. Which means I have to start making the round of the body shops. Which means there goes my paycheck for probably the next two months. Ha ha! Look, I'm laughing at how funny life is! HAHAHAHAHA!
(Actually, I did crack myself up there at the end. Sometimes I am so weird. Admit it, that's why you love me,)