Sunday Evening At The Movies
Is it his constant squinting, even when he's in a dark room? Is it the ponytail? Is it his apparent determination to whisper gutturally like Marlon Brando, ALL THE TIME? (Which was annoying even when Marlon Brando did it, by the way.)
The reason for my cinematic ponderings is that I'm half-watching a Seagal movie called Foreigner 2: Black Dawn. And while I don't know for a fact that it is as bad as it sounds (because I'm not paying attention), I'm willing to bet that it is. Because I'm a risk-taking gambler like that. Oh yeah.
I'm really not thrilled about watching this movie, but unfortunately the pickings are awfully slim on a Sunday evening when all you have is basic cable. There's Forrest Gump, but it's almost over, and to be honest, I've never been interested in that film. I think it's boring. There, I said it. Out loud. FORREST GUMP IS BORING.
You can disagree with me if you like, but as is the case with everyone else who disagrees with me, you will be wrong.
Then there's the Oscar material on the Lifetime channel, called Roses Are For The Rich (the title alone just BREATHES quality). Here's a sample of real verbatim dialogue:
Woman: I've been calling you every day.
Man: I've been in Paris.
Woman: You're lying.
Man: You're right. (Both chortle softly.)
There's A Nightmare on Elm Street on AMC. No thanks, I'm home alone tonight. The Family Movie Channel is showing Toys, which it labels in the guide as "Comedy-drama." I've seen little of either comedy OR drama, let alone both, in Toys so far, unless it's in the form of Robin Williams' sartorial ensemble, which looks like he crossed a dress-suit with the inside wiring of a set of speakers. I'd describe it more, but I'm too bored.
Oh! Speaking of Robin Williams and bad movies, I was flipping channels the other day and came across something so wonderfully dreadful, I couldn't even believe it was for real. It was called (I kid you not) The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns.. It didn't actually have Robin Williams in it, but believe me, it could have. It DID feature Whoopi Goldberg, who played (as unlikely as it sounds) the leader of a group of fairies, who (I think) were in a fight with the leprechauns. Also, Randy Quaid was in it. The movie, I mean, not the fight. He wasn't a leprechaun or a fairy, but he had a little leprechaun friend who would appear out of thin air from time to time, and chat with him. A lesser human might have been freaked out by random visitations from the Wee Folk, but Randy seemed to take it in stride.
It was so weird.