frogg files

"She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr if they killed her quick." --Flannery O' Connor

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

And The Winner In The I-Can't-Believe-Someone-Invented-This Category Is...

The boyfriend pillow. Because when you only need half a man (or more accurately, half of his torso and an arm), it's all you really need.

(Probably to no one's surprise, this little piece of money-making genius seems to have originated in Japan.)

I showed the boyfriend pillow to a co-worker just now, who offered her expert female opinion that it is "creepy." She also pointed out that one could just put a sweatshirt over a regular pillow and stuff the arms, and you'd get essentially the same result.

You'd also save yourself a cool $15.00, folks. (Shh, don't tell the Japanese--especially since their pillow cost the equivalent of $80 USD.)

And now, look here. I am trying very, very hard to be good and not blog, but what on earth do you expect me to do if you send me links to things like this? I am only a human girl, after all--a human girl who gained the nickname (independently, in two entirely unrelated places of employment) of "peanut gallery," due no doubt to her loquacious charm and witty observances of life around her (i.e., due to her congenital inability to keep her mouth shut when she has an opinion about anything).

In other words, you have discovered my Achilles' heel: there is almost no way I can pass up something like this without commentary.

Oh, and without giving an award. Because I'm generous like that.

Speaking of awards and my generosity, I'm going to give this one the additional distinction of the I-Can't-Believe-Someone-Would-Buy-This-and-if-Someone-Does-I-Don't-Want-
to-Know-Because-I-Will-Feel-Too-Sorry-For-Them-And-Get-Depressed Award. I mean, let's face it, are you really going to feel better about your singleness with a "man" who has no head, no legs, one arm, and half a chest that you actually had to pay $15.00 for when you could have just saved the cash, put a sweatshirt over a pillow you already own, and had at least one extra arm and a whole, entire chest to snuggle up with?

I would say no, but maybe that's just me.

NB: Alright, back into hiding I go as I continue to work on my applications. In the meantime, many thanks to LadyD and LS for the links that made this post possible. Now that I know about the existence of this most, shall we say, intriguing invention, I can die happy. Or at least laughing really hard.

Monday, January 30, 2006

And The Winner in the Sucks-To-Be-You Category Is...

...the guy that this story is about. Apparently he did not fully assimilate one of the most oft-repeated parental injunctions to children; namely, "Tie your shoes." And for once, the corollary to said injunction ("Because if you don't, you could trip and hurt yourself"), proved all too true.

This unfortunate man actually did trip on an untied shoelace (I can see all the parents shaking their heads right now; you all want to tell him, "I told you so," don't you, even though you are not his parent), and while I don't think he hurt himself so much, still the consequences in his case were rather dire--he stumbled down a stairway in a museum, eventually crashing into (and shattering) three Qing vases whose value remains undisclosed, but I think we can safely assume you wouldn't be able to pick them up at, say, Target (even if you do pronounce it Tar-jhay).

Talk about your embarrassing moments. I've had my share, but this one blows (nearly) every single one of mine out of the water, including the time I tripped and fell down a staircase myself, in my house as guests were arriving for a Christmas party. I ended up at the bottom of the steps with one of my high-heeled shoes still at the top (yes, the shoes were slightly to blame for the fall) and my skirt flipped up to somewhere around my neck.

Thank God the guests went into the dining room first and did not, in fact, pass the staircase. But I think someone commented on the noise ("What was that, an earthquake?").

So there's a little humorous tidbit for your Monday, unless by some amazing chance you are the very guy who tripped and broke the vases and you have somehow stumbled upon (ha, sorry) this blog, in which case it is probably a horrifying tidbit that you wish you could forget about, but most likely you won't. You will also never, ever live it down. Those are the breaks, kid--er, no pun intended. Or maybe it was. I just hope you don't have to pay for the damages, because that's an awfully expensive price to pay for your fifteen minutes of fame. But hey, at least you win a prestigious frogg's category award. It's not everyone who can say that.

Anyway, for the rest of you, thank you for your support as I continue to work on my MFA applications; it may interest you to know that the first set is being sent out tomorrow! That would be ONE WHOLE DAY AHEAD of the due date. Yes! Oh wait, I probably should have warned those of you with a weak heart condition before I said that; I know it's rather shocking, given my proclivity for procrastination. Well, just take a few deep breaths and don't worry: I am still a procrastinator where it counts--in my heart.

Shouldn't be long before I'm back. Stay tuned!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

No, I Have Not Changed My Mind Exactly, But...

...I am willing to compromise.

Here's the deal. Enough people (more than one!) have expressed to me at various times and in various ways that they are disappointed in me for halting the frogg files. In fact, one person told me I was being selfish, depriving everyone of...well, I am not sure what! Silly stories about meaningless trivialities in the life of a girl, apparently, since that's usually what I write about.

That said, I would love to be not selfish and all that, and I honestly hate disappointing people, but there is this little matter of my MFA applications. They have to get done! And they won't if I am spending my time thinking of silly stories about meaningless trivialities that will entertain my faithful fans! I love you guys, but still. So here is my compromise.

I will plan to be back to my regular updates in two months, after my application deadlines have been met. Ok?

In the meantime, feel free to stop by and leave messages. I'll check them. Tell me stories, or jokes, cool or obscure news items (love those), or just say you miss me. I will always be happy to hear from you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Ciao for Now...

Well, the day that I have dreaded has at last arrived. I suspect it is actually a little overdue. At any rate, I'm sorry to say that this post marks the end of the frogg files, at least for the closely foreseeable future (whatever that means).

I've enjoyed writing this blog more than I can tell you, and that is largely thanks to you, my readers. I love reading your comments, and I love knowing that you enjoy checking in now and then (some of you every day) to see what sort of antics the frogg is up to.

Well, we've had some fun over all that time, haven't we? But to everything there is a season, and the seasons, they are a'changin'. The new year brings with it new endeavors. In my case, that means (hopefully) going back to school. Over the next couple of months I will be applying to various creative writing programs, in hopes of pursuing my master's degree in the field of fiction writing.

Not quite sure how that will go, but I have to give it a shot.

I hate saying goodbye. But it's time to go.

The following is an edited version of something I posted awhile back. It is my blessing to you. May you know all the ways that God is good to you, all your life. I wish I had told you about Him, more often.

In all my work, in all that I do and have done, my earnest desire is you will find the One who longs for you you so persistently, who draws you ever onward and upward, into his waiting embrace. Do not think you can escape him, if you love him! Seek and you shall find. Remember that it is good to be a prisoner of hope.

God save and keep you, friend. He loves you and has forgiven you for everything. He doesn't even think of it. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. His grace is sufficient for you, and oh how he wants you to know it!

Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. Let all who are thirsty, come and drink. The water of life is for you. Take, and then give it away.

I pray you find rest in the midst of all your strivings. I have great hopes for you.

Now may the Light of the world guide you, the Lover of your soul keep you, and the Prince of Peace protect you...always.


Miss me, my darlings. I will miss you.

Kisses from the frogg princess.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Honk If You Love The Frogg--Or Don't, Rather

Men, my darlings, a little hint for you. It's a secret whose time has long since come to be revealed. Are you ready? Here it is.

Women are not terribly impressed when you honk your car horn at them on the street, nor is it very likely that they will fall in love with you for it.

Let me elaborate. No please, it's no trouble at all. I want to. Because if I am walking down the street, and you honk your car horn at me, you will get only one of two reactions:

1) A look of such utter contempt that if I did it right here, right now, in front of my computer screen, you'd actually feel yourself crumbling away to dust in your seat as you read this. (Really--I am very good at this. I practiced it alot as a teenager, and became more than proficient. I'd go so far as to say I hold a black belt in withering disdain.**)

Or:

2) (more common) I will completely ignore you.

These reactions are non-negotiable and do not vary. You will not get anything else, I really promise. I am not going to run after you. I am not going to flag you down, jump in your car, and smother you with kisses. I am not going to do anything but dislike you. All of which seems to me to beg the question: why would you do it?

I mean, has the horn-honk (or the wolf whistle, or the catcall) ever actually, in the history of the universe, resulted in two people meeting, falling in love, and living happily ever after? Or for that matter, even just meeting? I ask you.

No really, I do. Because if you know someone that this worked for, I definitely want to hear their story.

**reason #78 why the frogg is still single

NB to Beautiphil: I thought your comment a few posts back, and to which my title of today refers, was actually very sweet. But I still had to write this. No offense. :)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Lost

Has anyone seen my funny bone? I can't find it anywhere!

:(

Friday, January 06, 2006

Perambulations

I took a break from my office and went for a walk around lunchtime. I'm very glad that on the other side of my building is a quiet, residential street with lots of flowers and trees. Strange that just one block up is all the rush and bustle of an incredibly busy Los Angeles thoroughfare.

I strolled slowly along the back street, because I wasn't really interested in exercise so much as just breathing and looking at things. And thinking, of course.

What did I think about? Well, lots of things. I was mostly trying to think of different things that I like about God, but I kept getting distracted by how pretty yellow daisies looked in someone's garden, for instance. Or someone else had planted rosebushes; I am looking forward to when they start to grow. In another yard, I saw a lemon tree. I thought about how I like the color yellow, against a particular kind of green. And I looked at the freshly mowed grass and thought about how I like the color green.

I saw how the sidewalk rose in some areas into a sort of point, shoved up by tree roots or earthquakes, I don't know which. The cement of the walk is pocked with little holes; some of the holes were filled with water, probably from someone's hose or sprinklers.

One house along the street has a wide variety of birdhouses, and also large spheres with Christmas lights on them, hanging in the tree in the front yard. One of the birdhouses is shaped like a cowboy boot. Another one says, "Welcome" over the little bird-door, which is always open. The Christmas lights were on, in the daytime.

The sky was perfectly blue today.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2006, everyone! I hope you are a lot warmer and drier than I was this morning, hanging out in Pasadena and watching the 117th annual Tournament of Roses Parade! That's right! I was one of the thousands of die-hard fans lining the sidewalks of Colorado Blvd in the pouring rain, clapping enthusiastically for the brave marching banders and float riders as they went by. See?



Ok, I lied. I was not one of those people. I was there, alright, but I was laughing at those people from my lofty perch on the third story of an office building on the parade route, because they were getting soaked and I was...well, ok, I was getting soaked too because I went out on the balcony to get a better view, but TECHNICALLY if I had stayed in the office like I was SUPPOSED to, and just watched from the window, I would have been warm and dry.

It's the thought that counts, right?

Now ironically, I've lived about 15 minutes from the parade route for most of my life, and yet I have never seen the parade in person. The year I finally go, it rains--the first time it has ever rained on the Rose Parade in, oh, 50 years.

And when I say "rain," I don't mean the pathetic drizzle that usually qualifies as "precipitation" in SoCal. This was the real deal--gusty winds, dark clouds, torrential downpour, rivers where gutters should have been, that sort of thing. Props to all the parade people involved for going through with it! Personally, if I were in the parade, I'd have said, "Are you paying me? No? Hmm. Looks like your gonna be down one trombone player then." And I don't even play the trombone.

Luckily for the parade people, I was not an integral part of the event, so the show did in fact go on, trombone players and all. And the theme for this year's parade was "It's Magical," so all the floats, or most of them anyway, had the word "Magic" in the name. Like, "The Magic of Love," which was supposed to depict (I think) the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet, but all I could see was the giant flowery float-Juliet looking over the balcony at no one and waving a giant rose. Not a Romeo in sight, which I thought was a little weird, and kind of sad. (Later, when I watched the parade again on TV, I saw that Romeo was there, but he was a real human man, as opposed to a giant flowery float-man, and that meant he was about 10% of the size of his fair lady. Well, I guess every romance has its challenges.)

Another float was called, "The Magic of Healthy Eating." In my own case, of course, healthy eating would be magical indeed, or probably more like plain old miraculous, but maybe the float makers were taking an optimistic view of things.

Yep, we had a good time in spite of all the bad weather, as you can see from this photo of me smiling as I lean dangerously over the balcony railing so that you can have a great view of the big tree blocking the marching band and float in the background:



Well, here's to the new year! May it be full of lots of magic and good things for you...maybe even healthy eating! (And don't try to tell me that's not one of your new year's resolutions!)