Friday, June 12, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
What Part of "I'm Done With Chemo" Does My Body Not Understand?
The part that is still full of chemo drugs, I guess. Boo!
The weekend was pretty tough. I felt exhausted to the extreme physically, and depressed emotionally, so that on Saturday I could barely get out of bed all day. And though I ate, I found myself grossed out by food at the same time. Once again, nothing tasted right.
Sunday was better, and today was better still. At least my taste buds are almost back.
So people have asked me what's next, now that I'm finished with chemo and am in remission. Well, I'm not technically cancer-free until I get through the followup period, which will be about 2-3 years. I will probably have a CAT scan after six months. Then another PET scan six months after that. And so the cycle will go, I guess, until the followup period is finished. I'll know a bit more about the process after I've seen my doctor again, which will be in about five weeks.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to getting my hair back. The doctor said it would take about 6-8 weeks after my last treatment for it to start growing again. I can't wait!
I'm also looking forward to being able to run again. After my third treatment, I pretty much had to give it up, though on days when I felt good, I would try a jog around the Rose Bowl or wherever. Of course, it always turned into mostly a walk. Fatigue definitely increased with each treatment, and I've barely done any exercise at all over the past month. I miss it.
I still have moments — quite often, actually — of disbelief when I think about the past five months. When I say to myself the words, "I had cancer." It's so hard to get my head around it. I wonder if I ever will.
The weekend was pretty tough. I felt exhausted to the extreme physically, and depressed emotionally, so that on Saturday I could barely get out of bed all day. And though I ate, I found myself grossed out by food at the same time. Once again, nothing tasted right.
Sunday was better, and today was better still. At least my taste buds are almost back.
So people have asked me what's next, now that I'm finished with chemo and am in remission. Well, I'm not technically cancer-free until I get through the followup period, which will be about 2-3 years. I will probably have a CAT scan after six months. Then another PET scan six months after that. And so the cycle will go, I guess, until the followup period is finished. I'll know a bit more about the process after I've seen my doctor again, which will be in about five weeks.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to getting my hair back. The doctor said it would take about 6-8 weeks after my last treatment for it to start growing again. I can't wait!
I'm also looking forward to being able to run again. After my third treatment, I pretty much had to give it up, though on days when I felt good, I would try a jog around the Rose Bowl or wherever. Of course, it always turned into mostly a walk. Fatigue definitely increased with each treatment, and I've barely done any exercise at all over the past month. I miss it.
I still have moments — quite often, actually — of disbelief when I think about the past five months. When I say to myself the words, "I had cancer." It's so hard to get my head around it. I wonder if I ever will.
Friday, June 05, 2009
It's 1:53am...
... I can't sleep, I feel sick, and I have watched way too many old episodes of 30ROCK on Netflix over the past never-mind-how-many-hours.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
NOW I'm done!
I took my last dose of Prednisone today, which was the last of any drugs I needed to take as part of my final chemo treatment. I am officially done!
So why aren't I jumping up and down with delight and dancing my head off? Well, for one thing, I can't dance, but for another, I have to be honest... I have moments where I can't help but wonder, "What if it comes back?" Mind you, I want to celebrate and be extravagantly, deliriously happy that I'm in remission and continue to have a good outlook, but I'm starting to realize what the Psalmist meant when he talked about walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The shadow leaves its mark, like it or not, even if you get through the valley okay.
Er, not to be morbid or anything.
Hmm, it appears that I'm not in a super great mood tonight. And I just realized how totally lame that is. Because you know what? I'm done with chemo! And I'm glad! I'm really, REALLY glad to be done with crappy chemo!!
For God's sake, someone bring me some dancing shoes. Stat.
So why aren't I jumping up and down with delight and dancing my head off? Well, for one thing, I can't dance, but for another, I have to be honest... I have moments where I can't help but wonder, "What if it comes back?" Mind you, I want to celebrate and be extravagantly, deliriously happy that I'm in remission and continue to have a good outlook, but I'm starting to realize what the Psalmist meant when he talked about walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The shadow leaves its mark, like it or not, even if you get through the valley okay.
Er, not to be morbid or anything.
Hmm, it appears that I'm not in a super great mood tonight. And I just realized how totally lame that is. Because you know what? I'm done with chemo! And I'm glad! I'm really, REALLY glad to be done with crappy chemo!!
For God's sake, someone bring me some dancing shoes. Stat.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Last Chemo Treatment Tomorrow!
Well, the big day is finally here. Tomorrow marks the end of the chemo drama that has been the story of my life since February. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. Specifically, to the moment sometime around 3pm when they take the IV needle out of my arm and tell me I can go home. For the last time!
(Please God, make it be the last time.)
(Please God, make it be the last time.)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
To Do Or Not To Do?
Are "to-do" lists a waste of time for anyone else besides me? I mean, ostensibly the whole point of a to-do list is so you can focus and get stuff done that you need to get done, and then you can check those things off when you do them and feel a sense of accomplishment, right? Well, on the rare occasions where I actually have my act together enough to know what I need to put on such a list at all, I'll write all this stuff down and then forget all about it. Or I'll look at it at some point in the day and think, "Actually that can wait til tomorrow, and so can that and that and that." Before I know it, the whole list is a carryover to tomorrow, a victim of my finely honed procrastinatory tendencies.
Or even better, I'll sometimes write stuff on the list that I've already done that day. Then I cross those things off immediately so that if by some amazing chance I remember to look at it in the evening, I'll see the crossed-off activities and think, "Yeah, I did something! Go me!"
Sad, isn't it.
One of my co-workers has a "To Don't" pad hanging up in her cubicle. I need to get me one of those. Maybe I'll put it on my next "To Do" list.
Maybe not.
Or even better, I'll sometimes write stuff on the list that I've already done that day. Then I cross those things off immediately so that if by some amazing chance I remember to look at it in the evening, I'll see the crossed-off activities and think, "Yeah, I did something! Go me!"
Sad, isn't it.
One of my co-workers has a "To Don't" pad hanging up in her cubicle. I need to get me one of those. Maybe I'll put it on my next "To Do" list.
Maybe not.
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