Lux Venit

I'm not sure if it's cute or weird that NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) has a website that tracks Santa as he makes his rounds, but either way, I suspect some sort of irony.

Or maybe it's just me.

On another note, since I'm a Christian and all, I should probably make a reference to the Jesus story here, seeing as how it's Christmas Eve, and tomorrow is Christmas and traditionally that's when we celebrate the birth of Christ, even though apparently he was more likely born in April, not December, which was actually the time of some pagan celebration that the Christians were trying to avoid or talk people out of so they started Christmas. Or something like that.

And then Santa somehow got mixed up in it all, as if everything weren't already confusing enough.

Anyway, the POINT is, since "Christ" is integral to the word "Christmas" (unless you spell it "Xmas" and seriously, I just don't have the energy to go there, so let's not and say we didn't), here is the aforementioned reference: New Testament, Gospel of Luke, chapter 2.

Whew.

And here's another, which is a lot shorter, and a lot more poetic (hint: for maximum spiritual impact, read to the tune of Handel's "Worthy is the Lamb" and/or "Hallelujah Chorus"):

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:1, 14)

Yes.

So anyway, here's wishing all of you and yours a merry Christmas, full of laughter, blessings, light and love. And here's praying that all those things carry over into 2009, and that you have a wonderful new year. Finally, I hope Santa brings you some cool gifts. (And if he doesn't, just give NORAD a ring. I bet they can be quite persuasive when presenting your case to him.)

With lots of hugs and kisses from the frogg princess... and absolutely no lumps of coal...


And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love. (I Cor 13:13).

A Hell of a Game

I just spent a fair amount of the last hour or so (never mind exactly how much) playing Su Doku. For those of you who don't know what Su Doku is, there's this thing called the Internet and another thing called Google, and you can use them to find out. If you don't know what either of those things are, you're probably not reading this blog, so never mind.

But anyway, back to Su Doku. Who invented this game? Don't bother Googling it, because it was a rhetorical question. The answer is: Satan.

Come on, think about it. We all have a finite amount of precious time on this earth. Who else would come up with such a fiendish way of wasting it? Putting numbers inside squares to create specific patterns? For absolutely no reward or purpose except the satisfaction of knowing that you got the pattern right?! How is it possible that this game is so addictive?? It's sinful, I tell you.

(Interestingly enough, I got a fortune cookie yesterday with the somber warning: "Time, once lost, can never be regained." Hmmm.)

Speaking of the Prince of Darkness, I would not be at all surprised to discover that he is (lurking darkly) behind the phenomenon known as Facebook. Personally, I'd rather play Su Doku than fall into the black hole of the Facebook universe. In fact, I have made it a personal goal to be the last person in the world to join the online "social network" (aka Entangling Web of Evil from Which No One Escapes Unscathed). Every day I get a little bit closer to achieving my dream.

Hey, it may not be as lofty as "write the great American novel" but a goal is a goal, right?

On another note, it's nearly Christmas and I haven't finished my Christmas shopping, thanks to the aforementioned detour onto Hell's Way (i.e., playing Su Doku (in case you forgot what the whole point of this blog was about, as I did for a moment)). I guess I still have time, but I'd rather color my hair.

Vanity, vanity. My sins are really adding up today...

Blue Frogg

Do you ever feel like your life is completely stuck in a rut? Or if not your whole life, then one particular aspect of it? And try as you might to "think positive", you simply can't make yourself believe that anything is ever really going to change in that area, no matter what you do?

That's how I've been feeling lately. In other words—a little depressed.

*sigh*

On a plus side of sorts, 'tis the season for caramel popcorn in festive tins. Fa la la la la.

Post-Thanksgiving Update

Well, this is a little delayed, but I hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings. Mine was great. Many thanks to Aunt B and Co. for good times on the East Coast. Here are a few fun highlights of the trip:

1) The Baltimore Aquarium, where I saw more species of turtle than I knew existed. Also poison dart frogs.

2) Thanksgiving dinner, with lots of food and, more importantly, dessert.

3) The "Merry Tuba Christmas" performance at the Francis Scott Key Mall in Frederick, in which my talented cousin made a good showing on the euphonium, an instrument I'd never even heard of until last week.

4) Going to see the movie Australia with my aunts and uncles. The movie wasn't awesome, but I went to see Hugh Jackman, so I didn't really care.

Now I'm back in warm, sunny California. Yay! Except today it wasn't really all that sunny, nor was it particularly warm. Boo.

In other news, I'm slated to go to Thailand at the end of January. That is, assuming the country doesn't implode before then, due to protests/coups/whatever else may be brewing over there. More on that later, though. For now, I leave you with this thought-provoking thought:




Um, never mind. I couldn't think of one.

Brrrrr!

Well, the cold weather continues. Yesterday I was out to lunch with a friend and at one point I glanced out the window of the restaurant to see snow falling. Snow! I could hardly believe it—especially since the sun was still shining. That's just adding insult to injury.

My aunt said she couldn't understand how someone who hates the cold so much can like snowboarding. I don't know either. It's a real mystery.

Anyway, somehow I have managed to avoid developing hypothermia out here on the East Coast. Probably because I've spent most of my time these past couple days sitting on the couch in my aunt's living room with a heating pad (turned to the highest setting) at my back and a fire in the fireplace.

I have, however, developed a bit of a cold, which is depressing. I hate being sick. But in the spirit of the Thanksgiving holiday, I'll just say that I am thankful for being sick because it's a pretty good excuse for sitting on a couch all day and doing nothing.

Not that I've ever really needed an excuse for doing that.

In other news... hmm. Actually I don't have any other news. It's hard to have news when you are in major hibernation mode.

ANYway. Here's wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving! I suppose I should have written a post in celebration of all the things I'm thankful for, but that would have taken more concentration and coherence than I'm capable of at the moment. Hey, what can I say... I'm on vacation, kids. But feel free to share what you're thankful for, if you like!

Enjoy the holiday, with lots of kisses from the frogg princess...

You May Call Me Master Now

Well, I survived the giving of my lecture, but more importantly, so did the people who attended. In spite of my somewhat-last-minute decision to scrap everything I'd written for the lecture and just extemporize off of a few notes on the handout I'd created to go wiith it, the talk went well and I even almost went over my time limit, which was kind of cool in a way, because I thought for sure the lecture was going to be too short . The bummer was that, because of my rambling, I had to cut out the second part of the two-part writing exercise I had planned, which sort of lamed the first part of the exercise, but oh well. The point was, I gave the lecture. After that, there wasn't much left to do but get through the next few days until graduation, which took place on Saturday, November 22.

So there you have it. Two years of a regular rotating schedule of deadlines, procrastination, last-minute-panic-induced creative spurts, doubts about my sanity in choosing to do the writing program in the first place, and very little social life have culminated at last in my achievement of one of the most impractical degrees currently on the market: the Master of Fine Arts degree in creative writing.

Woo-hoo!

Now I'm in Maryland for the Thanksgiving holidays and no doubt inquiring minds want to know: what will I do next? Coincidentally, my own mind is inquiring the exact same thing. Weird, huh. Well, there are a few ideas knocking around in what is left of my poor frazzled brain, but I think they need the nourishment and fortification of a delicious Thanksgiving dinner before they start to make any sense. So I'll have to get back to you on that.

In the meantime, here's hoping you are enjoying warmer weather than I am at the moment. Although I'll just say that cold weather isn't nearly so bad when you get to stay inside a nice, cozy, house all day, with absolutely nothing on the schedule that has to be done...

Three Words

35 degrees Fahrenheit.

I guess technically that's two words and a number but who cares. The point is, that's the temperature outside right now.

So yeah, it's pretty cold here in Louisville, but I am surviving. My reading went well on Saturday. My mentor gave me a spectacular and moving introduction, which included phrases such as "deeply talented", "poetic language", "sharp insights", "honest voice", "thought-provoking material" and "beautiful hair."

Um, that last one made a whole lot more sense in context. Anyway.

On Wednesday afternoon I give my lecture, and I'm pleased to report that I'm still not finished with it, thus staying true to form. But don't worry, I'm sure it'll go fine. I'm not sure that it'll have anything at all to do with the lecture topic I turned in to the office two months ago, but as I said before, who cares.

OK, my darlings, I've gotta go. Need to reattach some fingers that just froze off. I know, ouch! But first, a stop at the charming hotel bar for something to dull the pain. Being able to prioritize important activities is a very important skill, one that I'm sure you know I've never learned.

Ciao for now, with kisses once again from the frogg princess...

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Heading off to the lovely bluegrass state tonight. Here's where I stand with all the stuff I said I needed to get done before I left:

1. Lecture=not finished

2. Select a section of my thesis to read aloud in front of peers on Saturday (reading to last 20 minutes)=not even started

3. Read/write feedback on the stories of 9 other people who will be in my workshop sessions=not finished

4. Read a set of pre-residency assignments in preparation for some of the required lectures=not even started

In other words, I am doing a pretty good job of defending my claim on the title "Procrastination Queen." (Er, I'm not sure who I'm defending it against, exactly, but I am defending it.)

I'll try to keep y'all posted on my news as it occurs, but no promises. In the meantime, take care, and miss me, my darlings!

With kisses, as always, from the frogg princess...

Five Things I Enjoy About Being Cold

Well, it's that time of year again; i.e., winter. And with winter comes a precipitous drop in temperature—from 80-90 degrees down to as low as, like, 50! I know, I know... brrrrr, right?! Well, normally I would whine and complain a lot about how much I really miss summer, but I thought that for once I'd try to look on the bright side and be positive. So I listed the top five things that I enjoy about being (freezing) cold. Here they are, in no particular order:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


*sigh* I really, really, really miss summer.

The Great Graduation Lecture Caper

Well, I made some serious progress on my lecture this weekend! In other words, I gathered a lot of quotes from various sources and arranged them in an aesthetically pleasing manner on a Word doc. They are quite inspirational, believe me. And mostly by Flannery O'Connor. My lecture isn't about Flannery O'Connor per se, but it might as well be, because I quote her like a million times, and everyone else gets maybe one quote. Even me, which is maybe not so good since I'm kind of supposed to be giving the lecture and therefore talking a little bit more than Flannery.

But really, if I had my way, instead of giving the lecture, I'd just hand everyone a copy of Flannery's book Mystery & Manners (which is where I pulled all the quotes from) and say, "Here, read this." Then I'd say, "My work here is done", don a cool red cape and fly away to help fight crime somewhere that needs a superheroine who wears a cool red cape and can fly.

And as a plus, I'd avoid having to give the lecture! Bonus.

Hey, I'm just saying what I'd do if I had my way. Clearly I am not going to have it, but that's OK. It's not the best situation, because I really do like having my way, but I'm adaptable. I can make do. I've come to terms, as they say.

Anyway, I guess it would get expensive, buying books for all the people who probably won't show up to my lecture because maybe they'll find someone else's more interesting and go to that person's instead.

On a completely different note, I've finally discovered The Flight of the Conchords. Which is kind of bad news in a way, because I spent most of the evening watching the first-season DVD and not as much of the evening finishing my lecture. But the good news is it's almost as funny as the Beached Whale video sensation on YouTube. (If you don't find the Beached Whale funny, you probably need to spend more time in New Zealand. Or just be a New Zealander.)

On yet another note, I only have three more days before Thursday, which is when I leave for Louisville. In that space of time I need to a) finish my lecture; b) finish making final edits to my thesis; c) reprint my corrected thesis to turn in to the program office; d) read a whole bunch of stories and critique them; e) um, something else that is no doubt important but that I've momentarily forgotten; and f) avoid slacking off.

It's going to be a tough week. Where are the red cape and superhero powers when you need 'em? I mean honestly.

A Quiet Friday Afternoon

Too quiet, if you ask me. If a tumbleweed were to blow through our office right now, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Actually, that's not true. Seeing as how we are not on the ground floor, and there aren't any tumbleweeds around, it would in fact be pretty weird if a tumbleweed made an appearance.

On another note, I'd just like to say that today on a lunchtime stroll I noticed that one house still had Halloween stuff up, even though Halloween was a week ago. That is almost as bad as putting up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving.

But not nearly as bad as playing Christmas music before December. (I don't want to name names, but my mother is oh-so-guilty of this one.)

If I sound grouchy and grinchy today, it's probably because I got up too early this morning. I now have to go running before work instead of after, thanks to the time change and the shorter daylight hours, blah blah blah. And I am so not a morning person.

I've also noticed the weather getting colder. I do not like cold, which I define as anything less than 65 degrees F.

On a more positive note (yes, I can occasionally hit those), I got my end-of-semester evaluation from my writing mentor, and it pretty much said that I am awesome. I knew that, of course. But it's nice to see it in writing.

OK, I lied. It said my writing was awesome, but it is also cool to see that in writing.

If I sound oddly disjointed and delirious in this post, it's probably because I got up too early this morning.

A Public Service Message, of Sorts

The following is a public service message from your friendly neighborhood frogg princess.

Call me Scrooge (or Scroogette, preferably, seeing as how I am, after all, a girl), but there really should be a law against putting up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving.

And I say that as someone who loves Christmas lights. But seriously, it's a bit much. I mean, give Thanksgiving a freaking chance, people!

That may be less of a public service message and more a sort of soapbox harangue, but I don't care.

You Know It's Going To Be A Long Day When...

...you've been ready to eat lunch since 10:45a.m. Grrr.

On another note, today on the freeway I saw a tow truck with a license plate that said, "YOU NEXT." Driving along in the lane behind the tow truck was an SUV with a license plate that said, "4SCRAPS." If I were that SUV, I'd have been feeling vaguely threatened. Actually, I kind of was anyway, and I'm not even a car.

It's possible that I am a little overly sensitive.

History Has Been Made!

Namely, on October 31st, when, in an amazing feat of superfroggian prowess, I somehow managed to overcome my natural procrastinatory tendencies and finish my grant application! On time!! YES!!!

Oh yeah, and yesterday Obama was elected president. Also pretty historic, I suppose. It might even be slightly more historic than me beating myself at my own procrastination game, but that's a tough call.

Kidding. Sort of.

Anyway, so as Obama turns his attention to doing whatever president-elects do while they're waiting for January to roll around, I'll be turning mine to finishing up school stuff, seeing as how I'm leaving for Louisville, hmmm, next Thursday night. Yes, I realize that is only a week away. And yes, of course, I have absolutely nothing done that I am supposed to have done. Naturally, these things being the case, I managed my time tonight as effectively as I usually do — i.e., after work, I went for a 3-mile run, followed by a 3-mile walk with a couple friends, followed by agreeing to go to coffee with one of the said friends after the walk, followed by finally getting home at 11:30pm, at which point it was (of course) too late to do any work.

Other than writing this blog, I mean. Er.

In other words, this weekend is looking like it's going to be pretty historic, too. As in, it's going to be an epic catch-up session the likes of which I can't even fathom, being, as I am, in full-fledged denial.

But don't worry. I have a simple little mantra to get me through this difficult time:

YES I CAN!

Hey, if it's good enough for Obama...

God's Dilemma

So I was driving into work this morning, listening to NPR. A woman was being interviewed about the elections, and she said that she was praying that John McCain would win.

Which puts God in a bit of a stitch, seeing as how I'm praying that McCain will lose. Awkward, isn't it.

Post from the Edge

So I'm watching TV tonight for the first time in, like, a year or something. Mostly because I can't figure out how to turn on the stupid DVD player.

I'm watching "The Office", which doesn't seem to be as hilarious tonight as I could wish. I'm drinking black tea, which has caffeine and will therefore make it hard for me to fall asleep tonight. I'm eating chocolate, which ditto. What I'm not doing is working on my grant application. I'm also not editing my thesis, not reading a book that I'm supposed to read for a book club meeting, and not writing the lecture I have to present on my next (and final) trip to Louisville.

That's me, livin' on the edge tonight, yo. Excuse me while I take a nice big swig of my Earl Grey.

Ooooh yeah. That's the good stuff, baby.

Speaking of my lecture, I actually had a dream last week that I was back in Louisville, and the program staff informed me that I was to give my lecture the following day. I smiled and said, "OK, cool!" And then I began to panic, because of course I hadn't actually done anything on it.

It's really not a good sign if I'm having panic dreams about school a month before I go back. Yikes.

On another note, I have just discovered that the foil-wrapping of the chocolate I'm eating (mini Dove squares) has a little saying written on the inside of it. Here's what it says: "Make a date with your favorite book tonight."

You know, I think I'm getting tired of desserts that order me around and stuff.

Does that sound crazy? It sounds kind of crazy. I think I might be going insane.

Well, on the plus side, I guess that could make my blog a lot more interesting.

When Does A Fortune Become An Omen?

Last night I was out to dinner at Genghis Cohen with my good friend mr braff, chowing down on some chow mein before the free live music we'd come to hear was scheduled to start. When our check arrived, so did the fortune cookies, and of course I was all excited about that, as you might have surmised based on past blog entries (like this one and, oh look, the post just below!).

So yeah, I love fortune cookies, they're my fav, blah blah blah. Moving on... mr braff opened his first, and I don't remember what it said, because frankly, all I care about is myself and my fortunes. So I cracked mine open and here's what I read:

"Everything will now come your way."

Hmm. Does that sound familiar to anyone, by any chance? Well, if it doesn't, let me refresh your memory: I got the exact same fortune almost eight months to the day ago and wrote about it right here on the frogg files. I was weirded out by the fortune then, and I still kind of am. Maybe more so now that I've gotten it twice! I mean, seriously... "everything"? That's a whole lot of... things! You know?

Oh well. At least it wasn't another offer for a pre-paid cremation. I mean, I've gotten that, like, three times. Yikes.

Say What, Fortune Cookie?

I've mentioned before how much I love fortune cookies. Well, today I cracked one open and found these words on the little scrap of paper inside:

Take a loved one to a movie tonite.

Uh. Does anyone else think that my fortune cookie was being a little, well, commanding? As opposed to advisory or prophetic, I mean. See, I could understand if it said, "Tonite a loved one will take you to a movie." That would be a fortune. It would have been wrong, but it would have made sense. Whereas what I got was less of a fortune and more of... an order.

Now, I don't take kindly to being ordered around by people, but by a cookie? Give me a break (ha).

On the other hand, maybe the cookie was trying to tell me that if I do what it says, fortune will follow. Hmmm.

On the other other hand, maybe I need a nice long vacation. Come to think of it, that would have been a quality fortune: "You will take a nice long vacation soon. Very very soon. I promise."

*sigh*

Consider the Lobsters! Please!!

So, how much do you really have to like lobster before you go and do something like this? I ask you.

Happy (Belated) Anniversary to Me!

Actually, I recently had TWO anniversaries — October 3rd marked my third year with my company (the longest time I've ever been at any job since college!), and October 4th marked the fourth year since I started the frogg files.

Where, oh where, does the time go? I ask you.

On another note, I'm sitting here at a coffee shop tonight, trying to come up with some sort of funny anecdote or witty something-or-other to blog about, but I've truly got nothing. My mind is about as close to blank as it ever gets. Which actually isn't all that blank, but tonight everything in there is such a jumble and I'm too tired to untangle it all for the sake of any one thread that might yield a way out of the labyrinth of boringness my poor blog somehow stumbled into. I guess I'm still recovering from the end-of-semester burnout. I don't remember the last time I felt so drained, actually. Well, no, that's not true. I do. It was right about the time I started this blog. How ironic.

In fact, if I recall correctly, I think I started this blog in a vague attempt to cure my burnout, or at least process through it. (More irony!)

But anyway, I'm interested to see what this coming year will bring. I sense a change on the horizon... and frankly, I want one. I think it's about time.

If There's A Title Out There That Fits This Post, Let It Come Forward

OK, I am officially nearly passed out.

To say that I feel I've been overdoing life lately is a little like saying that... um, that... oh forget it. Fill in your own analogy. I'm officially nearly passed out, remember?

I don't know why I thought that the end of the semester would offer me some respite from crazy-busyness. Probably because I'm insane. Or at the very least, an idiot. Because let me tell you—there is no respite in sight. I still have to finish the story for the workshop in Louisville (see last post), I have a lecture to prepare as part of my graduation requirements, I still need to send my thesis to my assigned readers for final edits, and I want to apply for a major writing grant that is due October 31.

Oh, and I guess I still need to show up for my regular 9:30-5:30 full-time job five days a week. Argh.

Speaking of my job, we had a little office debate-watching party tonight. And I don't like to toot my own horn or anything, being just chock-full of amazing amounts of humility as I am, but! I just want to say that I, out of all my co-workers, won Palin Bingo. As you can imagine, this took a great deal of talent on my part, but again, I am very humble, so please don't mention it.

I Survived the Night of the Living Mantis...

... and all I got was this stupid blog!

Ha. Kidding.

Well, I'm sure you are all no doubt on the edge of your seats wondering WHAT HAPPENED the other night after I finished writing my post about the giant praying mantis in my room. The truth is so terribly anti-climactic that I am not even going to tell you, because I guarantee that your imagination will come up with a much more exciting scenario than what actually happened.

Obviously, I lived to blog another day, and that's all that matters, right?

On another note, I finished my creative thesis! Yes, against all odds, I managed to get the thing done and sent out to my writing mentor over the weekend. Today I received her approval, so I'll be sending it to the program office this week. Whew!

Of course, I'm not quite out of the swamp just yet. I still have to send in a new short story to the office to be workshopped at the next residency in Louisville. For those who are not acquainted with high-flown literary terms like "workshop", I'll just tell you that basically the workshop is where you read other people's stories and try to say nice (or "constructive") things about them even if you hated them (the stories, not the people). You also try to highlight things that need work (or "revision") in the story. And your own story gets subjected to the same treatment (or "treatment"). It's a lot of fun (or "work")!

So yeah, I'm supposed to send in a new story tomorrow, but I'm not going to make that deadline because guess what, I don't have one finished. Why, you ask? Because I've been working on my freaking thesis! And I'm burned out! And tired! I haven't been getting enough sleep, weird bugs are taking up residence in my room, and I just can't deal with writing yet another story! AAAARRGGGGHHHH!

I think someone needs a hug. (Hint: it's me.)

Say Your Prayers, Mantis

So I just came into my bedroom and on the ceiling is a praying mantis that is about as big as my face.

OK, I'm exaggerating. It's more like half my face. But you have to admit, that's still pretty big.

The next question, of course, is: how on earth am I supposed to sleep knowing that this thing is in my room? And the answer is: not well. Or possibly at all.

Which is not good, because I've had some bad bouts of insomnia this past week, and I really really need to get some zzz's, or I'm going to end up writing marketing copy tomorrow that sounds like this: "Just please take a freakin' cruise, people. Seven days in the Caribbean from only $549. Woo-hoo. Get on it." (Hmmm, that might be an improvement, actually.)

But back to the mantis. I guess I could try killing it. On the other hand, an insect that is almost-but-not-quite as big as my face would leave a gross mess. Ew.

Maybe I can chase it out of here, get it to fly out the window somehow. On the other hand, what if, as I'm trying to "encourage" it to leave, it attacks me?

Whoa, hold on, folks. The mantis is moving; I repeat, the mantis is now on the move. In the direction, I might add, of the area of ceiling that is directly over my bed. This is not what you'd call a welcome development.

It's going to be a long night...

The Post of Despair! Don't Even Think About Trying To Escape

Today is the first day of autumn. That means summer is officially over. Boo. I'm depressed.

On a more positive note, I noticed that there was a lot more water in the Los Angeles river when I walked along the trail again today on my lunch break. Granted, "a lot more water" isn't saying much when it was barely a trickle before, but really, there was practically a current this time. There were also a lot more egrets, which was kind of weird, because earlier in the season I only ever saw one out there, hanging out by him/herself. I don't know where all these new ones came from. I think they may be planning an invasion.

On a more random note (if that's even possible), I spent a good part of the day considering the term "ontological despair" and wondering if the human capacity for it is a possible indicator for the existence of God. I also turned over the possibility of using the phrase in a project I was writing for work. Because hey, couldn't ontological despair be a good selling point for going on, say, a luxury cruise? Like, "Bid bon voyage to ontological despair — with fares from just $599!"

OK, now that I see it in "print", it sounds pretty dumb. But trust me, it sounded cool in my head when I was on my walk. (And you have to admit, $599 would be a freaking steal for escaping the unbearable horror of being.)

Did I mention that I'm really depressed about summer being over? I am.

Titles Are For Lesser Mortals...

...or maybe mortals who are simply lesser tired than I am right now. (If that's you, and you happen to think of a good title, you can post it in the comments section.)

So part of the reason for all the silence of the past however many months is that I have been in the last semester of my MFA program, and really had to focus—or at least make a better go of pretending to focus than I usually do. And now, here I am finally nearing the end of the whole graduate-school adventure. I have less than two weeks left before my very last packet of writing is due to my mentor.

If I weren't such an expert at being in denial, I'd probably be panicking right now. Instead, I'm writing this blog. Meaning that the benefits of my denial are all yours, my darlings. (Assuming you consider this rambling non sequitur of a post as a benefit.)

Aside from finishing things up with the MFA, I also got promoted to the position of copywriter at the marketing agency where I work. Which means that I have become remarkably proficient at using language to convey absolutely nothing of consequence. Adjectives in particular have lost all meaning for me. In our marketing materials for our two biggest clients (both in the travel industry), I find myself penning such compelling prose as "Relax in the spectacular Caribbean" or "Enjoy the amazing scenery of the Amazon" or, if I'm really on my game (and here I must ask the kids NOT to try this bit of linguistic artistry at home without the supervision of a trained grammarian), "Bask in the sun-drenched beauty of a relaxing day on an amazing beach full of scenery in the idyllic splendor of the Hawaiian Islands."

Awe-inspiring, isn't it?

Well, to say that the aforementioned sort of writing conflicts with the sort of writing I'm getting the MFA for is a little like saying that water and fire aren't exactly best buddies, but at any rate it pays the bills. Which I certainly cannot say about the creative writing. At least not yet!

Although, if any of you feels inclined to pay me for these blogs, feel free. I would be full of astounding gratitude and I promise to put the spectacular money to a magnificent cause. Like, say, a deliciously soothing getaway amidst splendidly tropical scenery.

Hey, it was just a thought.

"[T]here is no honest way to avoid certain moral questions."*

I am not what you’d call a vegetarian, unless if by “vegetarian” you mean “person who eats meat on occasion, especially shrimp, because she loves shrimp and would be unhappy if she never ate it again (p.s. also salmon and chicken)”, and most people that I know don’t define “vegetarian” in anything like this fashion. Which is too bad, because it would probably ease a lot of tension in a lot of quarters.

But anyway, I just finished reading an essay by the late David Foster Wallace called “Consider the Lobster” and I’ll tell you right now that if you are not a vegetarian, you might consider becoming one after reading this, and if you are a vegetarian, you’re going to feel proud of yourself for being one, and if you don’t care one way or the other, you should still read the article, because it raises lots of interesting questions and observations.

The article depicts the author’s experience of attending the Maine Lobster Festival in 2003, and gravitates in what appears to be inevitable fashion toward a reflection on the moral implications of eating lobster. Consider the following passage:

The truth is that if you, the Festival attendee, permit yourself to think that lobsters can suffer and would rather not, the [Maine Lobster Festival] can begin to take on aspects of something like a Roman circus or medieval torture-fest.

Does that comparison seem a bit much? If so, exactly why? Or what about this one: Is it not possible that future generations will regard our own present agribusiness and eating practices in much the same way we now view Nero’s entertainments or Aztec sacrifices? My own immediate reaction is that such a comparison is hysterical, extreme—and yet the reason it seems extreme to me appears to be that I believe animals are less morally important than human beings;20 and when it comes to defending such a belief, even to myself, I have to acknowledge that (a) I have an obvious selfish interest in this belief, since I like to eat certain kinds of animals and want to be able to keep doing it, and (b) I have not succeeded in working out any sort of personal ethical system in which the belief is truly defensible instead of just selfishly convenient.

Now, the truth is that I am not nearly as interested in debating where on the scale of moral importance a lobster should fall than I am in the method Wallace employs in determining where his own predispositions lie. So what I’d like to do is show how Wallace’s reasoning can effectively be applied to what is, for me, a far more compelling idea: the question of the nature of God (assuming he exists, which, at this particular moment and for the sake of my argument, I do).

Just the other night I was out to dinner with someone when, over the course of the meal, the talk turned theological. He remarked that he simply couldn’t believe in a God who would ask a man to sacrifice his son, as God does in the ancient Genesis story of Abraham and Isaac. “What kind of psychotic God would that be?” he said. I didn’t answer, because frankly, that story bothers me, too, sometimes. So do a lot of the stories in the Bible. But the question being begged when someone says, “I can’t believe in a God like that” is simply this: What if he is like that? Do we refuse to entertain the possibility out of selfish interest; that is, the desire to preserve a belief that makes our relationship to God comfortable for us? And because we haven’t worked out a way to defend such a God to our personal, let alone others’, satisfaction?

Of course the blade of logic on this point cuts both ways. I know this. Besides, one could just say, "No, we reject that belief on the grounds that such a God is morally repugnant." But in the end, that's still a dodge. So I’m simply throwing the question and all of its attendant implications out there as an invitation to a sort of Damoclean banquet, if you will. No R.S.V.P. required.

One thing I can promise: We won’t be having lobster.


*The title of this post is a quote from "Consider the Lobster".

Return of the Frogg Princess

As I am nothing if not a master of stating the obvious, allow me to observe that it's been quite a long time since my last post.

I feel I should mark the occasion of my return to the blog with a profound rumination on the meaning of life, or something equally along those exalted lines. But I am also nothing if not lazy, and profundity takes a lot more work than I'm prepared to do right now, so I will have to settle for a more mundane ramble.

So I'll tell you about how today I went for a noonish walk, which took me along the Los Angeles River (yes, there is one—sort of). I breathed in the dust of the trail beneath my feet and looked down over a rusted chain link fence into the aqueduct. There was very little to see in the way of water. And yet I could see patches of rich vegetation springing up here and there, miniature forests that somehow drew life out of concrete and stagnant water.

I also witnessed the take off and flight of a great egret, its wide white wings flashing under a bright sun.

And before I ever even got to the trail, I saw a single white flower on an otherwise barren bush.

Hmm.

I feel I may be stumbling onto something profound after all, right there in the midst of the mundane. But perhaps that's exactly as it should be.

Wherever you turn your eyes the world can shine like transfiguration. You don't have to bring a thing to it except a little willingness to see. Only, who could have the courage to see it? — from the novel GILEAD by Marilynne Robinson

[Jesus asked him], "What do you want me to do for you?" He said, "Lord, let me recover my sight." — Luke 18:41

It's good to be back, my darlings. With kisses from the frogg princess...

Interpretation is Everything

I'm not sure that "Everything will now come your way" is a great fortune to find in your fortune cookie. I mean, "everything" encompasses kind of a lot.

I think I'm a little nervous.

Another V Day

Here we are again, the big 2-1-4, and all I can say is, I sure am glad that I've been too busy lately to even notice that I'm still single!

Oh wait. I think I just noticed. Hmm.

Drat.

Well, anyway. A very Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, with kisses, as always, from the frogg princess...

Let it Rain, Let it Rain, Let it Rain

I don't really mind the rain, in small doses. But a week of rain is a bit much. And that's about what we've had. It's raining now, in fact. Rain, rain, rain.

Sigh.

On the plus side, Big Bear is getting some snow, so methinks a little jaunt into the mountains for a snowboarding adventure is on the cards in the not-too-distant future. I went a couple weekends ago, and it was quite invigorating, but I'm about ready for another fix.

Another plus: a co-worker who didn't want her fortune cookie (silly co-worker) gave it to me, and I was delighted to discover that "an enjoyable vacation is awaiting" me. Although I did have to wonder: is "enjoyable vacation" redundant? I kind of hope so, because otherwise, what on earth's the point.

In other news, a friend of mine sent me a list yesterday of reasons why I should consider moving to Kentucky. He had a pretty good list, actually, citing the growing literary scene there, outdoorsy activities, and an apparently really amazing fireworks show that happens at some point every year. (And then there was "fried okra", which was rather less of a good selling point than all the rest, in my opinion.) Anyway, I thought the list on the whole was a cool idea. It made me wonder if anyone else might want to make a case for any potential future frogg residence(s). Feel free to post any reasons/lists as comments. I am open to any suggestions.

(Except Minnesota. Last week I got a phone call from a friend who lives there, and he left a voice mail describing, in harrowing detail, his experience of trying to pump gas into his car late at night, when it was 14 below. Anyplace where you have to spend 5 minutes holding onto a pen to warm the ink enough so that you can write down your mileage information, etc., is just WAY TOO COLD.)

National Human Trafficking Awareness Day

If you're like me, you probably didn't know there was such a thing as National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. Well, now you do. And today is it!

Also if you're like me, you're probably thinking, "Oh no, another person drumming on about yet another cause that I have to feel guilty about." Well, I admit that my own first response to hearing more about injustice issues like this is to shy away. First of all, because I don't need another reason to feel guilty in my life. And second, because knowledge, after all, breeds responsibility to act. And I don't like to act, because maybe it will be inconvenient. Maybe it will be scary. Maybe I'll make a fool out of myself.

Maybe I'll have to stop being so self-centered.

Ouch.

Please understand, I am not accusing anyone else of self-centeredness. All I'm saying is, whatever fears or struggles you may have about getting involved in an issue like this, or perhaps some other cause that pulls at your heart, believe me, I have them, too. But let's remember, we don't all have to transform ourselves overnight into William Wilberforce or some other heroic figure. We can start small. We can start timidly, and yes, even fearfully. We can start reluctantly and with skepticism.

But hey, we ought at least to start, right?

On Wednesday night, I went to hear Kevin Bales, president of the non-profit organization Free the Slaves, speak about "Ending Slavery" as part of the ALoud LA series. Here are three facts that I learned about modern-day slavery:

1) There are an estimated 27 million people enslaved worldwide today.

2) An estimated 14.5-17.5 thousand people get trafficked into the United States annually.

3) The biggest challenges to ending slavery are threefold: Awareness; Commitment (particularly on the parts of governments, to uphold their laws and resolutions); and Money (non-profit organizations depend on donor support to maintain and expand their operations. Also, from an economic standpoint, slave labor is cheap (free), which translates to less expensive goods, which translates to most people's bottom line).

I think what I liked best about Dr. Bales' presentation was that I didn't leave that night feeling crushed by the burden of how hopeless the whole issue is. There are things that can be done, and things that ARE being done. And one thing that is pretty easy to do is simply learn more about the problem. Here are some links to resources that should help you do that:

International Justice Mission
Polaris Project
NightLight

That is by no means a comprehensive list, of course. There are also plenty of books available, including Disposable People by Kevin Bales and Terrify No More by Gary Haugen.

So anyway, tonight I'll be joining some friends in Old Town Pasadena as part of an effort to raise awareness about trafficking. We'll be sharing information with people we meet on the street. Do I want to do this? Well... yes and no. Remember what I said about all the reasons I don't like to act? This kind of shindig is exactly what I was talking about. Inconvenient and scary, with plenty of potential for making me feel foolish. And while I wish I could say that I was looking forward to it with great eagerness, the plain fact is, part of me does not want to go. Another part of me is making me. The part that tries, often with a great deal of unsuccess, to get me to realize: sometimes, life is not about me.

Addendum: I just realized, reading over this post, that I still somehow managed to make it mostly about me! Hmmm. Go figure.

Semantically Speaking...

I had this thought the other day, that I might be a romantic pragmatist.

Then I thought, "Hmm, that might be semantically impossible."

At which point I thought, "Cool!"

I like being impossible things.

In other, much more exciting, news, I was engaged in a heated online Scrabble game with a friend the other day and played "qat" to the tune of 65 points. The best part is that I still don't know what "qat" actually means. But it's a valid word in Scrabble.

As are "wo" and "li", by the way, but that's just dumb.

Also dumb is the fact that I ended up losing the game, but let's not go there.

Apart from playing Scrabble, I finished a rather long essay this week that is part of my third-semester requirements. I wrote an elegant, insightful piece of analysis, which explained in so many words ( 7,056 to be exact) why one of my short stories sucks. Not that I used the word "sucks", of course. I believe I said it was "unsuccessful."

Semantics is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

2008 Is Here!

Well, the New Year has officially begun. And while I wish that I could say one of my New Year's resolutions is to be a better (meaning, more frequent) blogger, the fact is that I did not make any such resolution. Mainly because I have finally accepted the hard, painful truth — making a resolution is just the first step to breaking it. And honestly, who needs the guilt? Not me, thanks. I'm already pretty good at feeling guilty. I'm the sort of person who will apologize to someone else when they step on my toe. The single most oft-repeated phrase people say to me is, "Why are you so hard on yourself?" And the second is, "Why do you say sorry all the time?"

So you can only imagine what not living up to New Year's resolutions could do to me. I say, forget it.

In addition to not believing in making New Year's resolutions, I'm also glad I don't believe in omens, or I might have been a little concerned when, on the last day of 2007, I opened the mailbox to find yet another offer for a pre-paid cremation by the Neptune Society. Hmm.

But omens and non-resolutions aside, I'm excited for 2008. I'm in my third semester of my creative writing program, moving toward graduation in November; I might get to do some overseas traveling (yay!) before 2009 rolls around; and just generally I feel like some good changes are on the horizon. (Changes that I fervently pray will not involve the need for a pre-paid cremation, of course. Because those changes probably wouldn't be good.)

I hope that 2008 will be a great year for all of my faithful readers as well. Here's a toast to you... with kisses, as always, from the frogg princess.