Men, my darlings, a little hint for you. It's a secret whose time has long since come to be revealed. Are you ready? Here it is.
Women are not terribly impressed when you honk your car horn at them on the street, nor is it very likely that they will fall in love with you for it.
Let me elaborate. No please, it's no trouble at all. I want to. Because if I am walking down the street, and you honk your car horn at me, you will get only one of two reactions:
1) A look of such utter contempt that if I did it right here, right now, in front of my computer screen, you'd actually feel yourself crumbling away to dust in your seat as you read this. (Really--I am very good at this. I practiced it alot as a teenager, and became more than proficient. I'd go so far as to say I hold a black belt in withering disdain.**)
Or:
2) (more common) I will completely ignore you.
These reactions are non-negotiable and do not vary. You will not get anything else, I really promise. I am not going to run after you. I am not going to flag you down, jump in your car, and smother you with kisses. I am not going to do anything but dislike you. All of which seems to me to beg the question: why would you do it?
I mean, has the horn-honk (or the wolf whistle, or the catcall) ever actually, in the history of the universe, resulted in two people meeting, falling in love, and living happily ever after? Or for that matter, even just meeting? I ask you.
No really, I do. Because if you know someone that this worked for, I definitely want to hear their story.
**reason #78 why the frogg is still single
NB to Beautiphil: I thought your comment a few posts back, and to which my title of today refers, was actually very sweet. But I still had to write this. No offense. :)
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14 comments:
Hey Grace, Bees here. Sounds a bit rough to me it's only honking... isn't it, if they were yelling stuff out the window I could understand you giving them your worst. Can the honk not be taking as a light hearted compliment... Maybe I'm just trying to justify my honk the other week....how embarassing. True as well, I can't believe I did it myself. My apologies to the honk-ee.
bees!! are you kidding me?? did you really honk at someone? i am laughing out loud! you MUST be lying, i can't believe it! oh my gosh, i am really cracking up!
whew, ok. well, as for it being a compliment, i don't know. i might be more inclined to say, yeah sure, if men weren't so indiscriminate about it. i mean, the main qualifying factors that seem to be needed in order to get the horn-honk are:
1) breasts
2) legs
where's the compliment in that?
but maybe it's different in NZ. ;)
(still laughing)
Okay, I admit it. I honked at a guy recently. I know I know!! How could I, you must be thinking. Well, I justified it by thinking that just for ONCE I am going to make them feel the way I always feel when I hear a car honking as it whizzes by... (can we say Doppler effect???) I don't know if it worked, but it made me feel better!
Okay, one more word: Seinfeld
And then there comes a very strange day when you suddenly realize that you haven't received a honk in a very long time..I didn't like them either, but a little beep would make my day right about now!
Aunt B
actually singingcowgirl, i'm not all that surprised. ;)
ok, ok, you all win! maybe i was too hasty and harsh. or perhaps i was just having a bad day or something yesterday, when someone honked at me. maybe i should have been glad someone took the trouble to let me know i have legs and breasts.
and aunt b, if it will make you feel better, i'll honk for you. :)
So let me see, you don't like being honked at....well maybe but only occasionally an sometimes you'll do the honking but only to get those honkers back, hmm an they reckon women are confusing. I'm afraid it's true Grace my honking finger moved faster than my brain could think, though I did just look straight ahead hoping she didn't know it was me :-/ Bees
dude, I got a freakin' NB! ye-eah! rock on!
now, i'm kind of surprised that you don't let fly the finger with these other harsh reactions. but i suppose that's a good thing. (that you don't, not that I'm surprised)
is it bad if you catcall or wolf whistle (took me a minute of thinking to figure out what that was. funny how the catcall is a whistle and the wolf whistle is a call. or am i thinking of the wrong sounds to the terms?) your friends?
Yes, yes, I did just write a short sentence completely destroyed by a huge paranthesied phrase. deal.
By the way, how can you tell if the said car/person-in-car was actually honking in a "Hey you have breasts and legs!" sort of way? You know what we really need? Multiple honk noises. standardized ones too! Then you could have "Hey ****! Get off the Bleepin' road!" which would be descernable from "Woohoo, I'm joyriding!" which of course would be different from "breasts and legs!!!" and you would have yet a 4th which would clearly say "You are an extremely attractive individual, so much so that I want to let you know as I drive by so I may brighten your day and make you smile (especially if you are AuntB). I have no intention of raping you, or even making you run up and talk to me, let alone acknowledge me. Have a nice day."
Wouldn't that be sweet?
So, last thing. I was once told by a wise man, who taught me many things while I worked for him, like how to build a shed, how to work with a detailed mindset (and all that other good work-mentoring stuff)... anyway, I was told by this guy who I have so much respect for, this great jewel of wisdom during one of our conversations while putting up cedar shakes for the roof of his cordwood shed:
"If you've got it, flaunt it."
*BeautiPhil honks at Aunt B*
These men don't hope you to fall in love with them, Ms. Farag; though I found that interpretation sweet. The loud noises and stares are acts of aggression: men used to honk and shout at Black families on a Sunday walk, too.
(Of course the reason for the aggression is slightly different: In the case of Blacks, the threat was that the honking men owned them and could destroy them; in the case of women, the threat is that they own you and will consume you. Note that I say threat -- I do not say that the men will or would or can consume you -- it is a threat or a pose.)
"You are an extremely attractive individual, so much so that I want to let you know as I drive by so I may brighten your day and make you smile ..."
There is not so much difference between this friend's philosophy and yours, really. I can demonstrate best with a paraphrase:
1. A woman deserves to smile based on her "attractiveness".
2. As I can ascertain her attractiveness driving past her, it is a measure of, e.g., her breasts and legs.
3. Q.e.d.: A woman is breasts and legs; however, at my will signalled by my honk, she can assume human properties and smile.
why so formal, mr doran? :)
did i have a philosophy? i must have missed it on my way to achieving the black belt in withering disdain. oops.
i do not think a woman deserves to smile based on her attractiveness, and i think that is a faulty interpretation of phil's remark. moreover, the whole line of reasoning falls apart when you consider that i myself (i cannot speak for all women, but i think i can speak for a lot of them) do NOT smile when i get the horn honk. i may have been exaggerating about the withering disdain (perhaps) but i do ignore the honk-er. so in that sense the man's exertion of will to make me assume human properties by making me smile doesn't work out so well.
because believe me, ignoring is not at all only a human property. heck, leo ignores me all the time, when i tell him to shut up. today he even gave me a wolf whistle. stupid bird.
i am not at all sure your logic holds when you take your argument further. a man may do other things besides honk a car horn in order to make a woman smile, and perhaps based on her attractiveness...are all these to be discounted as his effort to control her and "make her assume human properties"? i hope not. on the flip side, i try to make people smile and laugh, lots. that's what the frogg files was all about!
"The whole line of reasoning falls apart ..." -- but of course it does! There is nothing reasonable about such men's behavior; after all, women are human, and are souls. But men have an ancestral privilege to think, speak, and behave toward women unreasonably, and an ancestral immunity from reasoning any of it out.
Thank you for responding to my comment. I will be sorry to see this website idle.
Of course, as I am male, you won't believe me when I say that I ascertain the attractiveness of a female as I drive by her based upon her face, but my beliefs do not rely upon yours.
I also know a lot of girls who do not believe that they are good looking. Why shouldn't a girl smile because she is attractive? It is her God-given body, and God made men and women to be attracted to eachother, and part of that attraction comes from the physical body. If she has such a body that makes a larger portion of the male population do a double take, I think she should find joy in it.
I think it was a rather faulty interpretation of my "philosophy," which, by the way, was a random wandering about imaginary car honks!
I realize that most women probably do not smile or find joy in being honked at because it is most often meant and interpreted as lewd (hence my idea of unique car horns).
In any case...
I rarely get honks - but I've been startled plenty of times with screams out of car windows! That's annoying :P They do it to see people jump, I'm sure!
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