Road Trip

I don't know if I've ever done a real road trip. You know, where you go with a group of friends on some wild and crazy adventure, crossing at least three states while acting out some sort of coming-of-age drama involving sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll. (Hey, that's what Hollywood calls a road trip, and we all know that Hollywood is always right!)

No, but I have done my fair share and then some of driving in my 29 years. One time my brother and I took a trip out to Montana. We set off from Los Angeles, and drove all the way to Provo, Utah, where we spent the night with some friends who go to BYU. Somewhere in Utah I vividly remember seeing a billboard for Shasta cola (do they even MAKE Shasta anymore?) that had a bunch of huge 3-D tongues stuck all over it, all improbably colored in pink, yellow, blue and other bright, cheerful hues. Mick Jagger would've been jealous. I was amused. My brother was driving.

We stopped in Salt Lake City as well and saw City Hall. On the steps were these big bronze statues of...beehives. Beehives? Is that, like, the state mascot or something? I never did figure it out, but I noticed that beehives made an appearance on freeway signs and elsewhere. Hmmm.

I don't remember my brother and I talking much, except when we passed the Grand Tetons on our way to Yellowstone, and then we proceeded to make up an entire episode of Seinfeld which both of us still remember to this day, in which Elaine, Jerry, George, Kramer, Newman and the hyperactive Johnny Cochrane-like lawyer all made an appearance and somehow ended up in Yellowstone. I'd tell it to you, but it won't be nearly as funny in print as it is when we act out the lines. You'll just have to trust me when I say it was hilarious. Try to imagine it, you'll really laugh.

My favorite memory of Yellowstone was when my brother saw a huge female elk on the side of the road, and pulled up next to her so we could get a picture. She didn't seem too concerned, and my brother got the camera ready. Then we heard a weird noise.

Neither of us had heard an elk bugle before, so we just looked at each other. "What was that?" we both said. We heard a movement in the forest, and turned quickly to look. The sun had set and it was getting quite dark, but suddenly we saw a set of branches moving not far away. It took only a few more moments to realize that they weren't branches, but ANTLERS, and that they were coming our way at a pretty quick rate, very much attached to the huge bull elk who was apparently the female's jealous boyfriend!

"Let's get out of here!" one of us said. My brother dropped the camera as he threw the van back into gear and slammed on the accelerator. We drove off without ever getting our picture, although later, when we got everything developed from the trip, we came across a photo of the car seat, my brother's jeans and the edge of his flannel shirt (this was back when he still wore flannel). We realized he must have hit the button as he dropped the camera, so instead of getting a cool picture of an elk, we got a picture of...his jeans. Typical!

I remember on our way back from Montana, we did the whole journey without stopping to sleep. I think it was something like 20 hours or so. I drove the homestretch from Vegas to LA, leaving Vegas around midnight. I tried every trick in the book to keep me awake...rolling the window down, pinching myself, counting how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop (you think I'm joking about that last one, but I'm not). We were completely exhausted by the time we rocked up to our parents' house, somewhere in the neighborhood of 4am.

I've never forgotten that trip. I've never forgotten the little boy I saw in Wyoming, getting off of his schoolbus and making his way up the long drive to his house as he played air drums and danced like his life depended on it, utterly oblivious to anyone who might be watching. I've never forgotten the crisp cool air of Jackson Hole, where we stopped for Subway sandwiches, nor have I forgotten the eerie quietness of the land around Old Faithful, marked by rising steam and geysers, under a rich sunset and a silver moon.

Hmmm. I thought I was ready to settle down for awhile, but memories make me restless. Once you've been bitten by the travel bug, I guess you never fully recover. Here's to a lifetime journey...

"Blessed is the one...whose heart is set on pilgrimage..." Psalm 84.5b