So in the last post, in the comments section, I asked people if anyone could come up with an invention that would top the boyfriend pillow. One brave soul offered a link to a site with opinionated Christian underwear. That was pretty good, I have to admit. But I have found a new invention that makes all others pale in comparison.
It is called...The Perfect Man.
Yes, ladies, I know--you all had given up in despair, succumbing to the belief that The Perfect Man does not, in fact, exist. (Unless, of course, you are Aunt B, who apparently married him. Isn't that right, Aunt B?)
Well, never fear, because the makers of Brawny Paper Towels are here! And if you're wondering what on earth paper towels have to do with The Perfect Man, well, allow me to enlighten you. The Perfect Man (aka The Brawny Man) is actually created and brought to you by Brawny, whose expertise in manufacturing ways to clean up messes quickly and efficiently have evidently led them to believe they are experts in what women want in a man, too. And maybe they think that men and paper towels have something in commom. They're both, uh, quilted? Naturally absorbent? I don't know.
But the point being, they created a series of video clips in which The Perfect Man--who wears flannel, lives in an adorable cabin in the woods, builds excellent fires in a rustic fireplace, plays the guitar, writes poetry, paints, bakes tiramisu, and stares adoringly into your eyes always--tells you (the viewer) everything you want to hear, from "You got a haircut, didn't you?" to "A toast to you--to your beauty, sure, but also to your intelligence, which you are so kind to share" to "It's just a random breakdown, isn't it. Well, that sounds completely understandable."
If you don't have broadband, you will miss out on the wonder that is The Perfect Man, not to mention a few good laughs. He has to be seen to be believed...or not.
The one thing he does NOT do, as far as I can tell, is play the banjo. So you can see that even The Perfect Man has room for improvement. Right, Aunt B?
NB: the frogg's favorite clips under the pre-made section are, "Your Hair, It's Perfect", "Random Breakdown", and "Every Day is Valentine's Day." Under the custom section, check out "The Warmest Welcome." Then tell me what you think!
NB2: By the way, no, I did not google "flannel shirt" to find this guy. Credit must go to Dave Barry's blog, at davebarry.com. What would I do without thee, Dave? Probably get a lot more work done during the day, but let's not talk about that.
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13 comments:
Morgan: that guy just made a severe career-limiting-move by picking up that gig
frogg: maybe
frogg: maybe not!
Morgan: he has two options with that on his resume
Morgan: soaps or porn
frogg: lol
frogg: is that going to be your comment then?
frogg: it is pretty awful, in an amusing way
Morgan: in a homoerotic, sexist, and cheesey all at the same time kinda way
Morgan: where's the site about the perfect woman?
frogg: well, maybe YOU should blog about that
frogg: when you find it
frogg: but i doubt it will be funny
frogg: because she will probably be a blond bombshell with fake boobs in a kitchen
frogg: wearing daisy dukes
frogg: and flipping her hair all over the place, giving herself whiplash
frogg: and wearing high heels while she simpers and pouts and asks you to open a pickle jar for her
frogg: because you are so big and strong
frogg: and she's so dainty
Morgan: lol... i should copy/paste THIS into a comment
frogg: lol
frogg: you have my permission
frogg: this time
wow. to both the perfect man and the first comment there.
i gotta get myself some more flannel!
Gracky, you started my day out great once again....that perfect man should not talk..just sit there and look good. And play the banjo (lol)and keep wearing flannel...what is it about plaid flannel?
Aunt B
well phil, you have that $15 you saved from not buying the boyfriend pillow (i sure hope!!). i bet you could get a nice flannel shirt for that much. :)
and aunt b, you are more than welcome! i second your motion that this Perfect Man should not talk, but in order to look good, i think he needs to wash his hair more often, shave, and actually not wear so much flannel. but maybe that's just me.
oh and please note that i did not say Perfect Men in general should not talk. i like a man who can converse intelligently, but i am just not sure that this Perfect Man does that so well. although he does seem to WANT to. 1 point for effort, i guess. thankfully he seems to have a good supply of red wine on hand, so after awhile i'm sure you wouldn't even notice his lack of eloquence.
and besides, who needs to talk when you're having a glass of wine in front of a roaring fire in a rustic cabin far away in the woods somewhere? i ask you.
so i'll give him another 2 points for the wine (which i hope is shiraz), and 5 more for the fires in the fireplace (i LOVE sitting/lying in front of a good fireplace fire!), and 10 points for the tiramisu. if it's good. which, since he's Perfect, i'm sure it is.
(he would have gotten 20 points if it was creme brulee though.)
comment 1) i think he's gay
comment 2) if i were a girl i think id rather have the vibrating one-armed man pillow
regarding your second comment, steve...i'm so relieved to learn that a sex change wouldn't cure you of complete weirdness, because then i don't know if we could be friends anymore, and that would be sad since we've been friends for an awfully long time now. but i have to say, if you would honestly prefer a PILLOW to a flannel-wearing, fire-building, guitar-playing, poetry-spouting, tiramisu-baking man (however cheesy he may be, and yes he is), you would make for a very strange, weird woman indeed.
as for me, if i were a man, i wouldn't wear flannnel. except to bed, because it's comfy and warm. i have flannel pajama pants and i love them. come to think of it, if i were a woman (oh wait), i'd just take the flannel pajamas and tiramisu, and leave both the Brawny man and the vibrating pillow alone.
actually if he really were THE perfect man....he would take those brawny towels and clean the entire house. while making tiramisu, serving wine, and building a fire!
Aunt B
but if he were a REAL man, you'd have to be careful he didn't get all confused and end up cleaning the tiramisu while making wine and burning down the house!
i HAVE to talk to you...it's so important that i have commented on both of your sites and left you a message. It's very important. You are never going to believe it.
wait, what's wrong with plaid? I have a plaid shirt, it isn't loud though. I do want a loud red plaid, must hit up goodwill ;)
okay, I think he's a bit creepy! Which I know is how I felt about the one armed man-pillow as well, but come on! The brawny man has the intensity in his eyes of a psycho-killer! He could just as easily sing me a lullaby as stab me in the leg!
Although I do think his floppy hair is nice. ;)
all flannel might be plaid, but all plaid isn't flannel. one of the strange paradoxes of the universe! i like plaid, it's the flannel that bothers me. unless it's pajamas, like i said.
and yes becca, the Perfect Man's probing stare is more than a little disconcerting, after awhile!
ultimately, i suppose he is a caricature of some women's idea of the Perfect Man, but not of mine so much. i have a feeling he would either start to bore or annoy me, or both.
the guitar playing is nice, though...if he would just remember the words to the songs he tries to sing!
also i wouldn't mind a Perfect Man who could cook.
andi!! i've missed you! was just thinking of you the other day, actually... how are you?? will you be in LA again soon????
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