I Am Not The Center Of The Universe

The other day I was telling my mother a story about something that had made me angry. The point of the story was to highlight the surprisingly mature way I handled the situation...I was very proud of the fact that I had prayed over it, and waited until I was in a proper frame of mind, rather than simply losing my temper and doing or saying something utterly ridiculous, as I would normally be inclined to do.

Well, as I related my saga to my mother, making sure to dwell on how incredibly spiritual I had been (for once!), I noticed that she had a strange look on her face. Sort of like she wanted to laugh, but was afraid of offending me. Finally I said, "What, do you think I was being unreasonable to be upset about this thing in the first place?" She hesitated a moment, then with a tiny smile said, "Well, you do have a tendency to be a irrational and think that you are the center of the universe."

Thanks, Mom. And God, for keeping me humble--I guess!

Of course, my mom is right. I absolutely do have both of those tendencies, though I think I've recognized it and am making efforts to change. But it's never pleasant to be confronted with the flaws that others see in you--that is, to realize that you haven't really hidden those flaws half as well as you had thought.

You know, it's a good thing God is the patient type--especially since I am not. I get so frustrated at how incredibly slow I am at learning His lessons. I'm also glad that He knows how to love WAY better than I do. A friend sent me a quote one time when I was going through some rough stuff, and it did wonders for my soul, so I will share it with you:

We please [God] most not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into his arms with all our imperfections, and believing that he understands everything and loves us still. --A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy

It's not easy for me to believe that God really loves me like that, but I'm getting there. He has never given me any reason to doubt it, but trust doesn't come easy for me, I'm sorry to say. I have a feeling that most of us would say the same thing. But as I allow myself to trust more and more in His love, I find that transformation becomes just a little bit easier. I find that I want to change, to be a better person. I want to make God smile.

Well, here's looking forward to the day when Love finally turns the frogg into a princess--for real.

God is love. I John 4:8b