I Hate Spiders and Bugs

The biggest spider I have ever seen, barring a tarantula in Thailand, is crawling up my curtains right in front of me as I type this.

It occurs to me that I probably need to kill it, or I won't be able to sleep tonight, knowing that it is in the same room. But I hate killing things. I always feel so guilty. (Although I think I could kill Leo and not give it a second thought, but he is more like a demon in bird form than anything else, and who cares about killing demons? Not me.)

So the spider is on the wall now, and he is waving one of his ENORMOUSLY long legs, and honestly, it's freaking me out. Gross, gross, gross.

I am suddenly very aware of all the cobwebs on my wall, up by the ceiling. My lack of domesticity is a little embarrassing.

So the big project tomorrow: clean the room!!!! After getting the eyebrows done, of course. First things first!

But if that spider crawls on my face tonight while I am asleep, I will die. I've lost sight of it, and that makes me quite nervous. If you don't hear any posts from me after a few days, you'll know what happened; i.e., that it crawled on my face and I died. What a way to go.

And then I won't get to celebrate my 30th! How sad.

That settles it. This room ain't big enough for the both of us. Hang on a second while I hunt it down...

[Sound of Jaws music playing. Or "Jeopardy" if you prefer something more cheerful.]

Um, I can't find the spider anymore. I am not happy about this.

I vividly remember an incident that happened at a friend's wedding reception in New Zealand, wherein a horrible bug that bore a striking resemblance to a cockroach, except it could fly, actually was flying around in the room I was in, hit the chandelier above me so that it dropped, stunned, onto my upturned face (which was upturned because I didn't want to let a bug like that out of my sight while I was still in the room with it). I can still remember the feeling of its icky, stick-like legs gripping tightly onto my lower lip--ALMOST INSIDE MY MOUTH! What happened next will not be described, to save my dignity in front of my readers; suffice to say that it provided a great deal of amusement for my friends who were present at the time.

I can't take another experience like that, that's all I can say. Especially now that I'm getting older. I'm sure it's very bad for the heart.