You've Got That Puuukey Feeeeeeling (AKA Ugh, It's Monday)

Ok, today I am too lazy to think of my own funny story to share, and feeling too shallow to dredge up anything deep. So with his permission, I am borrowing a story from my friend SB. It is about barfing, so if you have a weak stomach, maybe you shouldn't read it. And if you are Mark H, you probably shouldn't read it either, because you have heard it ten billion trillion times, and I can SEE you rolling your eyes from here. If you are me, you have definitely heard the story more than once, but it still makes you laugh, because 1) you grew up with three brothers, so you actually find humor in barf stories, and 2) it doesn't take all that much to amuse you.

Anyway, the following is an actual transcript of the IM conversation that SB had with the cowgirl awhile back, in which at my suggestion he told her all about the time he...well, I'll let them tell it! I've edited the transcript for readability and length, but otherwise pretty much left it in their own words and style.

Enjoy, and have a great Monday! (Or maybe this post will give you an exuse to call in sick, ha!)


COWGIRL.: grackyfrogg wants you to tell me about your story when you barfed on a kid you were babysitting

SB: oh yeah, well i was baby sitting these 2 brothers and as part of the deal the parents fed me dinner with the boys. normally, as was the case in this incident, i was fed a Swanson Hungry Man Salisbury Steak dinner.
SB: with a LARGE glass of choco milk
SB: nestle quik actually

COWGIRL.: say no more!!! ha ha ha

SB: SO, the younger brother, J, says to the older brother, P, "P, you're this *insert loud belch here*" and then runs out of the room
SB: so P, not wanting to be upstaged by his younger pipsqueak brother, needs to come back at him, BUT lacks the ability to burp on command
SB: thats where SB comes in
SB: ive been blessed with that amazing gift

COWGIRL.: ha ha ha
COWGIRL.: how romantic!

SB: so P says "hey SB, you can burp whenever you want, so you burp for me" and then we devised this plan. you see J was out on the front lawn just running around, satisfied that his bro had been upstaged, so our plan was to go to the corner of the garage and P would face J while I hid directly behind P

COWGIRL.: uh oh

SB: so we start to get into position and meanwhile im swallowing large amounts of air to get ready for the big explosion

COWGIRL.: LOL

SB: so we're in position and P says, "J, youre THIS!"

COWGIRL.: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SB: and at that point i opened my mouth and pushed the air out as normal
SB: but this time MORE than air came out

COWGIRL.: ew grooooooooossssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!
COWGIRL.: grackyfrogg is dying right here
COWGIRL.: that is totally funny!
COWGIRL.: not just partially...but TOTALLY!

SB: yep, salisbury steak and choco milk, and other stuff, including CORN, spewed out all over P's back

COWGIRL.: corn in the puke...yuk
COWGIRL.: that's the epitome of gross

SB: yeah, and i dont even think the meal included corn
SB: anyhoo, P just stood there frozen in position and said "there is something warm all over my back"
SB: i said, oh sorry i just threw up all over you

COWGIRL.: so nonchalant?

SB: so being the good baby sitter that i was i just walked him a few steps out into the drive way and hosed him off

COWGIRL.: how old was this kid?

SB: he was like 10
SB: i went to his college grad a couple of years ago and he still remembers that story and tells all his friends

COWGIRL.: how old were you at the time

SB: um like 20

COWGIRL.: 20 yrs old????

SB: yeah

COWGIRL.: I can't BELIEVE that!

SB: you dont know me very well then
SB: thats something id probably do now

COWGIRL.: its gotta be published or something

SB: there is prob a reason i dont have any kids